I think I have lost my mind to my son. My mind belongs to someone else- someone who dreams about being killed for using the wrong kind of bottles, or sitting in the pediatricians office being yelled for not using enough sunscreen on the baby! Pre-Chase all I ever thought about was stuff like Ernie, school, work, family, friends, and the latest celebrity gossip. Now if you see me sitting at a red light and I appear to be in heavy concentration, possibly coming up with the best exit plan for Iraq, I am not. Don't be fooled. In fact, I am desperately trying to figure out what Elmo was singing. He says, "leaves, ____, and Oscar is green! HeHeh!" And I am trying so hard to figure out what that second word is. replaying it over and over in my head and swearing I am going to get home and replay it until I figure out what the hell he is saying. I told you I am going crazy. Post-Chase all I can think about is him, Ernie, family, and anything that could put a baby in danger, possibly sick, or just plain unhappy. I am constantly trying to think of more ways to be the perfect mom so that my son has all he deserves. I am now a organic baby food maker, an aspiring sewing machine master, making bread at-home-type, praying for a minute to clean, kind of mom. Instead of singing the most recent overplayed song on the radio I am singing the ABC's in the voices of Elmo, Zoe, Cookie monster, and Ernie, (not my Ernie). Chase has consumed not just my brain and my heart, but almost every single morsel of me as well. Their are times where I utterly crave being able to turn my brain off and pretend to not have a care in the world. But I can't turn it off. I simply have the most important cares in the world and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Ok I'd definitely trade the scary dreams, but everything else can stay for good. I can go on and on with how my brain is slowly turning to mush but I think I have given you a pretty clear picture already. Life is different, and sometimes it may seem foreign, but it's mine. And I love it.
